Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
