My liver just broke up with me...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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