I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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