All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Quick, to the slutcave!
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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