p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
