When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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