just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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