Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
