Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
