What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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