WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
