The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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