I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
