Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
