found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
