Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
