Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
