You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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