we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
