I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
