he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
