Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
