Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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