Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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