Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
