My nipple is on Facebook.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
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Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
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Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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