You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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