do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
