yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I wish there were birth control emojis
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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