i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
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