Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
