remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
