Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
