FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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