I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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