I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
