but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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