Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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