My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
