dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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