We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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