Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
