you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Even my vagina gasped.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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