She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
