eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
