He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
