I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
