with your own penis?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
