Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It was confusing and full of hummus
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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