Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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