I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
