Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
