I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
as a side note pls kill me
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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