I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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