I accidentally had phone sex last night
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
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Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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