i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Houston, we have a blender
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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