My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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