the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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