You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
