I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
