I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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