No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
