I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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