I didn't shave. On purpose
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
How's work?
Spinning.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
