I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
