it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
